3.9.22
Well, I really thought my duck-taped car days were behind me. I was wrong.
Yesterday I was actually having a good day, a productive day even. I’d knocked a decent amount of tasks off my to-do list and was heading out to hang with my boyfriend and then go drive door dash. For some godforsaken reason upon pulling out of a parking spot I do literally all the time, hundreds of times, I managed to scrape my car on the wall and break my side mirror off.
I was so shocked I just sat there and cried. Why is it that whenever I feel like I’m making progress or digging out of the rut, something else happens? I feel so stupid. This was like, the most avoidable issue possible. It would be one thing if I was out working or got into a wreck on the road because someone cut me off, maybe I heroically swerved around a puppy in the street. But NO I had to go and damage my car literally pulling out of a parking spot. With no one around. Absolutely ridiculous.
I’m so frustrated. All I want to be able to do is make an honest living and have enough leftover to do my music. That’s it. But nothing fucking works. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of being resilient. I’m tired of feeling like every step on this road is a struggle.
Perhaps I’m being overdramatic. My parents are willing to help me fix my car, so I’m not actually screwed here, I feel like I’m more embarrassed than anything else. I feel bad thinking like this because I know I still have a lot of privileges. My life isn’t that hard. I should just suck it up and deal with it and move on, but the reality is it is really demoralizing.
Honestly, I don’t want to drive door dash and uber eats anymore anyways. I still don’t make enough. The job is frustrating. I can only tolerate going at night and it gets sketchy at night. I just liked that it was flexible and it was at least bearable. I don’t want to get a service industry job I know I’m just gonna get fired from because I can’t show up on time, but I can’t just sit here and go bankrupt. The bills don’t stop even when my motivation does.
date unknown
Today was better.
I was doing what I like to call “Nashville stuff” and helping my roommate/bff record harmonies for her next single. I was definitely nervous at first to be working on someone else’s project, just because I wanted her to be happy with it. You see, our songs are like our babies. I didn’t want to be babysitting and have her come back to find her baby with scraped knees. I wanted to take good care of it.
I’d spent the previous couple of days listening to the track and coming up with ideas. I did my best not to get carried away, because we do have our different styles (mine is a lot more extra when it comes to ooohs and ahhhs, bells and whistles) but I was happy when she and her producer liked what I brought to the table. It was fun for me because harmonies and background vocals have always been my favorite part of the recording process. In comparison, recording the main vocal feels like a chore, like drawing outlines. You have to be really disciplined and the entire time you’re just trying not to suck. With harmonies, it gets to be a lot more fun free, and creative. Like finally being able to add colors to your drawing.
This was also the first time in Nashville that I’ve worked with a different producer. I was a little nervous about this too, just because I wasn’t sure what the process would be or if he’d be able to make me sound as good (I credit my producer a lot for that, and my songs consistently get compliments on production) but I feel like we worked really well together. This was a good experience for me to have because I know inevitably I’ll end up collaborating with different people as my career grows. Ideally, I’d love to keep the same producer throughout my career, at least for all of my main projects, just because I really trust him and know we work well together. It’s easy to stick with what you feel comfortable with, like if it ain’t broke, why fix it? But I also think it’s important to branch out and play around with different people and their different styles. My producer has his own aspirations and if at some point our paths lead us in different directions, I’m going to have to be able to adapt, so in that sense, today was important in my journey.
Doing “Nashville stuff” really ended up helping to lift my mood from the low it was the day before. It’s always good to remind myself why I’m here and why I’m putting myself through all of this struggle in the first place. It’s so beyond worth it. I love making music. Love it more than anything else. I love being a part of the process even when the song isn’t mine.
Working on my friend's song also made me eager to continue progressing with my EP. I realized I hadn’t listened to my own in-progress songs in a while, and I spent some time today sitting in my car, listening to them through. The next step in the process is to record the fiddle and a couple of other instruments, and I just have to make sure I can keep it moving and keep it funded. My tax return can’t come fast enough.
My boyfriend was willing to lend me his car to do some door dashing tonight (so sweet of him) but after hearing some gunshots outside, I opted to stay in. This made me really anxious and I began to regret staying in. We’re going on vacation Saturday and I have a $260 bill due (still paying off the loan I took out to record my first round of songs here) immediately when we get back. I really can’t afford to be staying in. I started to panic.
I ended up listing some of my dresses to sell on Facebook, and I also withdrew some of my royalties. Although I only had $11 of streaming royalties in my account, my TikTok creator fund account actually had $92 in it. That was a pleasant surprise. I think that kind of shows I can to some extent make money off of my creative content. It definitely felt like a sign to keep going.
Now I only need to make $100 before vacation (as I have over $60 in my account right now) I’m not sure how I’m going to make it. Maybe I’ll give door-dashing another go tomorrow. I’d rather not, I’d rather do some freelance writing, but as of now, I don’t have a client to serve.
I recently discovered how much I enjoyed writing press releases for artists. I’ve been doing a few for free for friends. It’s really cool to sort out the information they give me about their songwriting process and discover an angle for their story. If I could find a job that was just writing press releases for artists every day, I’d be set.
3.11.22
I feel like everything is falling apart.
I’m going on vacation tomorrow and I feel anything but relaxed. I have a broken car I can't pay to fix entirely, a job I was hired for that won’t respond to me, and a lineup of bills I don’t know how I’m going to pay. Above that, I have a project I’ve been spending years on that I don’t know how I am going to finish.
,
It genuinely feels like the only options I have in this life are to either be poor or be miserable. That’s what it feels like now.
And I am SO SICK of people telling me it’s just the way it is or giving me dumb advice about how to wake up earlier. If the issue was my phone or turning the lights off, or going to bed sooner, I would have tried that by now and it would have worked. I am WIRED DIFFERENTLY. and I can’t fix it unless I take medication I don’t want to take because you shouldn’t have to take a medication with all kinds of negative side effects simply to exist in the world. It’s ridiculous. Outside the burdens of society, I am FINE. I can be happy, I can be productive, I can be a hard worker, but I can’t do it in the way they want me to. So I don’t know how I’m going to go on.
I don’t want to get another morning job just to lose it again. To me, that seems like a waste of everyone’s time. I’ve tried to be really honest about where I’m at in order to find something that has a chance of lasting but also who is going to hire someone who literally does not care and is just there because they have to be?
I don’t understand how people do this. Do people really just live their lives like this? They get out of school and work 40 hours a week somewhere for the rest of their life until they die? Making time for small amounts of joy between weekdays on or on vacation days? The way this is all designed makes absolutely no sense. It’s depressing. I don’t want to do it. Idk what else there is.
I’m being emotional and obviously not seeing clearly right now. There’s got to be a balance and an in-between that exists, I just haven’t been able to find it yet. it feels like it doesn’t exist.
All isn’t lost. I’m getting a hefty tax return so that will buy me more time. I really don’t want to have to use it for rent and bills though, I want to use it for my EP, but I feel like I’m going to have to. That realization sucks. I also have a video call with a company that is like tinder for co-writers. That’s exciting. I can totally see that working out.
The problem is my bills won’t wait for me to figure all of this out. I feel like I’m going to have to face simply running out of money or having to ask my parents for help… again… which I can only do so many times. It’s not like they’ve got unlimited funds to spend either.
I try to remind myself that these difficulties will pay off in the long run. There are a lot of comfortable people out there who can afford to live ok lives because they let their dreams die a long time ago.
We maybe only get one shot on this earth. In the blip of the universe, none of this matters, so I don’t need to stress about the bills have coming up. When I’m on my deathbed I’m not going to care about the bills I did or didn’t pay on time. I’m going to care about what I did with my time.
So with that, I’ve calmed down a little now. I feel like writing things out actually helps to give me perspective. It’s why I feel more inclined to write when I’m not feeling good. Again, this does skew a lot of my posts negatively, but when I’m feeling good or out doing fun things, why would I sit and write about it when I could just keep doing it?
Forget about all the stress, the worries, the burdens coming up. Today is today and today is a gift. My job for the next five days is to be in the moment and enjoy my vacation. Everything else can wait. And when it’s time to deal with it I’ll figure it out like I always do.
3.17.22
Today is the definition of live to fight another day.
A week ago, I felt like I couldn’t function because the weight of all the stress I was feeling in my life was crushing. Bills are piling up and money isn’t coming in and I have felt as in over my head as I did when I first moved to town. A vacation could not have come at a better time.
During my trip I started writing a song called “ignore my problems and go on vacation” and essentially that’s what I did. I put everything on pause so I could just live in the moment and enjoy myself, whatever I needed to deal with would be dealt with later. Now is later, and I feel so much more equipped to tackle it. I truly believe taking the step back to escape it all was what I needed in order to get through it. I had a great time, I got to sit on the beach and swim in the ocean and soak in the sun. I feel relaxed and rejuvenated and so much less stressed about all my problems now than when I left. I have the energy and the clarity of mind I need to deal with these problems that I didn’t before. Before I left I felt like my life and my goals were unraveling, now I feel like I have a lot more assurance in myself to take it and solve it a step at a time.
In what feels like an act of divine timing, I got my tax return today. This will hold me over for a little while.
One of the jobs I got required a background check that I'd have to pay for. I decided not to move forward with that option. I have the new mirror for my car and someone to fix it and I think this is the first thing I’ll be able to solve. After that, I’m going to continue the job search. Hopefully, I’ll also be able to continue with my EP. I know it’s just a brief bit of relief, but I feel if only for a moment that I’m standing on solid ground and that I can move forward.
If you’re a singer/songwriter or even an entrepreneur, I can not stress enough the importance of keeping a good record of all of your expenses. This tax return right now is a lifeline and I don’t know what I would be doing right now without it.
I’d also say, understand the importance of stepping back. In today’s culture, we’re constantly told we need to keep grinding, and keep pushing through if we want to succeed. That couldn’t be further from the truth. I also don’t feel like I would have made it through this without taking a step back and ignoring it for a while. I’m not saying you have to go all the way to Mexico, or that you’ll even have the means to (I certainly didn’t and was only able to go because of my boyfriend) but whether it’s going hiking or binge-watching your favorite show or just completely abandoning your responsibilities and taking a nap (within reason) for a while may be the only way to eventually be able to solve them. If you’re spiraling due to stress, continuing to try to work won’t help.
I don’t know how I’m going to solve every problem, but I know myself, I believe in myself and my resilience and I am confident I make my way to the next steps when it comes to my dreams. In this industry that’s usually the best you can do. I’m not going to look too far ahead, I’m just going to keep believing and keep adapting like I always have. As I say, Rome wasn’t built in a day.
3.17.22
Waking up today feeling terrible. Missed the call I had this morning that I’ve spent months trying to get because I overslept, and still ended up getting an overdraft fee for insufficient funds.
As I was typing this I actually was able to get the fee refunded so I feel a little better.
I’m disappointed and frustrated with myself.
I don’t see how I’m ever going to get a job.
Happy Saint Patrick's day.
3.22.22
Today I feel overwhelmed but cautiously optimistic. I feel like having a job is on the horizon. When I went out for Saint Patrick's day, I ended up meeting the manager of a restaurant where some of my boyfriend’s friends worked, who was hiring. It was nice to meet someone in a casual setting like that and the randomness of it all felt sort of like it was meant to be. On top of that, I still might be able to do that tutoring gig I’ve been having trouble with as well as a branding job with another company that I had a phone call with today.
I know my tax return can’t hold me over much longer and I really don’t want to continue with door dashing while the gas prices are so high. I wasn’t making enough there anyway. I just don’t know how happy I’ll be waitressing. It seems ridiculous that I have to be waitressing when I’m paying loans on my college degree, but it’s where I’m at. I know I can’t physically handle a job that requires me to be up at 9 am, I just can't. But right now I’m recovering from a cold, and the prospect of waitressing again feels overwhelming. I’ve spent so much time bouncing around from job to job I guess I’ve lost faith in the idea that something will be a good fit or that I’ll be able to stay there for an extended period of time. I’ve just entered so many things in good faith only to end up burned out or rejected, so it’s hard not to be anxious about it. I’m trying to train my mind to be optimistic about it, but it’s hard, especially with my physical energy depleted.
I’m also all together feeling really discouraged about my music. I’m just feeling really stagnant. I haven’t played live at all in 2022. I can’t afford my normal guitar players (that and even when I can they’re busy) so I’ve been trying to prioritize recording but because my producer's stupid landlord wanted to sell their house, I have to wait for him to build his studio again. the fiddle player I wanted to work with is now going to be out of town until April 15, so it just feels like nothing is getting done. A lot of this is out of my hands but the longer it takes to come together the more anxious I feel that it never will. And I’ve been working towards this for like two years now. It’s my one big goal that Hasn’t fallen apart yet, I really want it to come together and it’s hard when I as one person can only do so much to make that happen.
I’m also feeling really uninspired by social media lately. I just feel like I don’t have anything interesting to say and what I do post is unrelated to my music because I can’t play my music without a guitar. I never wanted to be a personality, I wanted to be a musician. Creating content used to come a lot easier and be a lot more fun but it’s feeling more like a chore. I haven’t had a video blow up in a while. I almost want to start a new account that’s more centered on music. who knows. I really just need to learn guitar but I’m tired and don’t feel like practicing. I was doing good for a while but then I got sick.
It’s easy to look at my peers and feel like I’m getting left behind. I know deep down this isn’t true, we’re all just on our own journeys and going at our own pace. I’ve succeeded in ways many haven’t even, but it doesn’t feel like it. I’m not playing live, I’m not recording right now and I’m watching people release things while my music hides away in google drive and in my own head, so it makes me sad.
I feel like a broken record. I just know I have a lot of potential and a lot of things in the works and I just need to keep the money flowing in or make more so I can pay to do more of the things I want to do. Or pay to take lessons to learn things I need to learn.
I feel like what is going to happen is I’m going to get one of these jobs, finally get some decent money coming in, and hopefully, feel way less stressed. That is my hope. I just want to keep pushing and keep progressing, that’s all.
I am scared I’m going to be stressed, tired, and overwhelmed, but I’m sure it’s just the fatigue from being sick making me feel that way. Any physical task when you're sick seems like it would be a lot.
I want balance. I want to work enough to make enough without being too tired to do music stuff after. No particular job I’ve had so far has worked out so I’m not even sure where to turn at this point. I just need to pick something and stick with it. I need to be able to tolerate it, I don’t have to love it, and I have to remember that my music is worth it. I need to be a lot more disciplined and a lot more willing to put up with some grime and BS if it means I can keep my big picture alive and well.
I believe in my songs, I want them out there. I want to release them as one project, not a bunch of singles. I want to tour. I want to build a real following for my music. I believe I am capable, I just need to keep going.
3.23.22
The one thing about getting older is you start to recognize patterns in yourself. This helps in the long run to keep you optimistic.
I said in my previous post that the way I was lamenting was more than likely due to the fact that I wasn’t feeling well. Thinking about responsibilities while being sick is easily overwhelming for me. I figured I’d feel better when I felt better and it was true.
Today, I began to shake off my cold and the result was I was a lot more productive and in a lot better spirits.
I had two successful writes today and finally went grocery shopping. I felt much more enthusiastic about creating social media content and didn’t feel as anxious about the potentially waitressing. In fact, I felt excited to soon finally have some financial stability.
Things are looking up. Happy posts are much more brief. I’ve got another write tomorrow and I’m looking forward to it. I’m also excited to start practicing guitar more and will be more proactive in carving out the time to write more solo songs. I also know my producer will get his new studio up and running and my EP will happen because there’s someone out there who needs to hear those songs.
Pro tip: if you’re feeling overwhelmed, listening to Jason Moraz helps. Also if you want to get over a cold fast eat mountains of soup and tea sleep as much as possible.
3.24.22
I am feeling cautiously optimistic about my future right now.
I’ve had a string of good days. today I had another solid write and then went to a get-together with music industry people, something I’ve been wanting to do for a while now and haven’t. It felt really good to be networking again. It was a great group of genuinely nice people and who knows? I may have even made some connections that will pay off later.
Having money in the bank from my tax return makes a huge difference. I'm not stressed. I have groceries. For the first time in a long time, there isn’t a sense of impending doom surrounding me. I wish this could be my real life. Wake up well-rested, write songs, and hang out with other musicians. If I just didn’t have to be a day job I’d be living the dream. I know it sounds silly to say because I’m sure that’s how everyone feels, but still. I know this particular way of life isn’t sustainable.
However, I really think the waitressing job might work out. I’m at least hopeful for the first time in a long time about a day job. I haven’t felt that way in a while.
In moments like these, you just need to enjoy it and hope for the best. I am trying to keep this momentum and stay productive, stay positive. I’d really love to make this work. I’d love to finally find this balance in my life and for the first time in a long time, it feels possible.
I have another write tomorrow. I’ve got a TikTok doing well. I’m feeling more creative and have more ideas and energy for songs and social media posts than I have in a while. These are the moments I enjoy most, the hopeful ones.
if you are trying to be an artist, creative, or entrepreneur, I will always say the most important thing you can do is hold on to your hope. No matter what life throws at you or takes from you, your hope is something you can always hold onto if you chose.
I’ve got a song on my EP called “What I’ve Got” that speaks to this concept. It might even be the first single.
I feel like my pre-pandemic go-getter self more than I have in a long time. It feels good. It’s been so hard for so long that I almost have to convince myself I deserve the good things that are happening and that it is possible for them to last. I’ve developed this doubtful voice in my head that doesn’t believe it, (probably as a defense mechanism, because so many bad things have happened the prior two years I’ve come to expect bad things) but although it’s still there I feel much more inclined to ignore it instead of letting me control my outlook.
I’m excited. Things are going well so the best I can do right now is let them. Don’t interfere, don’t complicate things, or create challenges for myself for the sake of having them. I’ve gotten so stuck on the idea that I have to always be struggling and grinding to have a great story one day, but I think I’m about ready to let good things come easy for once. I'm ready to allow Rome to be built in a day. It’s time for the sun to come out and for me to enjoy my day at the beach. I feel like all of my hard work over the past three years is about to start paying off.
3. 28. 22
I really thought this was going to be another happy post.
So last night I was invited to a songwriter circle event I’d been wanting to go to since before the pandemic. I got a text about it out of the blue from the host who I hadn’t spoken to in years, so it felt very serendipitous, like something good was meant to happen there, so I was very excited. Despite the story I’m about to tell, I really did have a good time and I’m glad I went. I got to meet a lot of cool people and heard a ton of songs that inspired some new ideas in me, kind of the way song salon used to. There was also some pretty good food there too so that’s a plus.
So how did this turn into an unhappy story?
Well, I was unable to play any songs that night due to not having a guitar player with me who knew them. I don’t know if my emotions and frustrations about this just chose to boil over tonight, or if I’m just PMSing, but I was feeling pretty terrible about it by the end of the night.
I have pretty serious FOMO. It was really hard sitting and listening to everyone play and not get a chance to. There were even people who were RELUCTANT to play that got talked into it by the host.
Another layer to this is that the host has a connection with my favorite music venue in town (that I still haven’t played at) and often picks people from these gatherings to go play there. At the end of the day, it was just a fun jam session and that should be the value but it’s also a lowkey audition to play at this place and it was really difficult to not even have the opportunity to be considered.
I feel like a kid sitting on the bench with this guitar stuff. I’m tired of being held back because of it and I have no one to blame but myself. And the thing is I’m practicing guitar now, but it feels so impossible. It’s hard. It feels unnatural, it hurts my fingers, and even when I can play something that sounds remotely like a song it’s not how I want it to sound. I don’t enjoy practicing.,
Over the past two days, I’ve actually been feeling optimistic and was even proud of myself for how much I was practicing, but I think tonight was just the glaring reality of how far behind I am. Even when I’m practicing and getting better I’m nowhere near where I want or need to be with it.
If I had the money I’d never learn guitar. I’d just pay to have someone on call. But I don’t so I have to do it myself. This is why I feel like it’s been such a challenge. It is so much more enjoyable to go out with a player who can really add the little details and make the song sound good. I’d rather just focus on the writing and singing but it’s come to a point where it’s seriously stalling my progress. I haven’t even played a live show this year. My last round was before I left for Christmas.
These feelings kind of spiraled into all of the other doubts and resentment I feel towards my progress in music, or lack thereof. It feels like everyone around me is releasing something new, while I sit on six songs because things keep coming up that are delaying my EP project. Some days I fear that it will never get done. I don’t want to annoy any of my collaborators but I can’t help but feel anxious about it because I feel like I’m in stop-and-go traffic. I had wanted to release it in the summertime, and if I can’t I’ll have to change the title because it won’t fit the season. I’ve been working on this for two years now.
There’s been so much death and destruction around me lately from a global scale to my immediate family, that another thing I worry about legitimately is that something is going to happen to me before I get these songs out. Life is unpredictable, who knows what could happen. Hell, we could all die in a nuclear blast for all we know. No matter what it is or when it comes, I just wanna live to see these songs come out. I want people to hear them the way they’re meant to be heard, finished, polished, clean. I want to be there when people hear it.
I’m tired of feeling stagnant. I’m tired of not having the means and the resources to do what I know I’m capable of. I’m tired of standing on the sideline while everyone else plays their shows and releases new music. I’m tired of being in the rooms where amazing things are happening and still feeling left out.
Mainly, I’m just frustrated. I’m frustrated that there’s only one thing in this world that I truly want to do. I’m frustrated that I have to spend the majority of my time doing other things in order to fund the things I actually want to do. I’m frustrated that so much around me is out of my control but I’m still failing at the things that are in my control like learning guitar. I’m frustrated that time won’t pause or rewind so that I can make better decisions or at least catch up to where I need to be without it showing on my face and making me less marketable.
I don’t feel called to do anything but this. Frankly, the way I’m feeling now if I could choose to be someone else and do something else like have a normal job and a white picket fence I would. Maybe in a parallel universe that’s exactly what I’m doing and maybe in that universe for once, I feel content and don’t have anything to prove.
I remember a time back in school studying philosophers, and one discussion has always stuck with me. It has to do with a debate between Socrates and Callicles about desires vs contentment. In the debate, they are using a metaphor of a leaky vs a solid jar to compare those who feel content and satisfied with life and those who are constantly desiring more. I remember back then strongly agreeing with Callicles because I believed you need a certain level of leaky jar mentality in order to innovate and for society to progress to better and better things. I’ve always been a leaky jar person, pushing and striving for more because achieving something only meant setting a higher goal. On some level, I still believe this is the best way to operate overall, at least when it comes to the betterment of the world and society, but I do find myself understanding Socrate’s point a lot more clearly. It makes sense. It makes sense that being fulfilled and satisfied is what truly leads to happiness and contentment, and maybe contentment is what we should ultimately strive for, not an infinite list of evolving goals. But at the same time… what do we lose in that?
I’ve always felt called to do bigger and better things. I really don’t know if I was content that I could ever be happy. I don’t like staying in the same place for too long. That’s why I’m frustrated. But on the other hand, to Socrate’s point, maybe that’s the problem.
…
I opted out of the write I had scheduled today. I’m not sure if it was a needed step to process these emotions (along with the physical symptoms like fatigue and headache) in order to move beyond them quicker, or a cowardly instinct to retreat that I should have pushed through. I guess we’ll find out.
Some co-writer friends of mine are in town for a songwriter’s festival (another annual thing I still haven’t found a way to play in) and we’re going to meet up at a show later tonight. I was going to try to join them after my write but now that I canceled the write to focus on my well-being that seems wrong. So now instead of having two cool things to do and choosing one I’m doing neither. I don’t feel great about that, but at the same time a also don’t feel up to going.
I’m going to take a nap and if my head doesn’t hurt, maybe practice guitar or try to process some of this by writing alone. Hopefully, something good can come out of it and I can move on soon. I have a waitressing job interview tomorrow. I’m sure this is part of it.
3.30.22
Today I feel better. I knew I would.
I had my interview. It went well. I took advantage of the nice weather and went for a walk in the park.
Overall I’m feeling cautiously optimistic about everything. I know I have to move forward, and it’s scary. I want things to work out this time but I don’t know what the future holds. All I know is that the universe isn’t going to allow me to stay stagnant, even if it means I need to sacrifice some of my freedom and be uncomfortable for a while.
Overall I’m going to try to worry less and be more in the moment. The law of attraction says you need to feel gratitude in order for things to manifest. That like attracts like, so if what I’m feeling is lack then that is what I’m going to attract. So instead I am really going to focus on being happy where I am. Enjoying the journey so to speak. Easier said than done.
I’m proud of myself for giving myself the space to feel my feelings so I could move past them more quickly. I missed a write, I didn’t push it, and now I feel like I’m in much better shape.
I never imagined that working on music row would mean that I’d be waitressing at a restaurant. The irony is funny, but maybe it’s just a sign that I really am getting that much closer to where I want to be.
3.31.22
I’m feeling surprisingly optimistic for someone who knows their next bill is going to blow out their bank account.
I didn’t hear from the restaurant yesterday as I was expecting to, so I started applying for some other things. One of which my mom had a connection for, and upon looking into it, seemed like something I might even actually enjoy.
I have a call scheduled with them Friday. I’m feeling excited about a job prospect for the first time in a long time.
I also finished writing a solo song last night, something I’ve been struggling with. It felt good. A lot of times I’ll write one and not really like it, but I’m actually pretty proud of this one. It has a lot of substance.
My producer is also finishing up his studio, which makes me feel a lot more optimistic about my EP. I know I just have to have faith that people are on my side and that everything will work out.
I feel more energized and focused than I have in a while. I think focusing on the here and now is a good strategy.
I have to remind myself that I’ve made it this far facing much more dire circumstances. I have what it takes to make it through anything, but I also gotta know that I deserve to have things come easily. It doesn’t have to be a struggle for it to be meaningful. I’ve got more than enough struggle under my belt to make for a good story. I’m ready for things to start falling into place. I feel like it’s coming, and my job when it does is to allow it rather than question or complicate it.