**another older post I accidentally skipped to talk about a song release, but definitely an important one!
It was another cold rainy night in Nashville, and I was driving to my first official voice lesson until suddenly, I wasn’t. It finally happened, my car broke down. Thankfully I was just exiting the highway and was able to roll down the hill and stop at the intersection. I put on my hazards, tried to start the car again with no avail. Thankfully, I had AAA, so I was able to call and get it towed. I told my voice teacher I probably wasn’t going to make it that night. He was thankfully understanding.
I’ve spent more time crying about my van this week than I’ve spend after some relationships have ended. I wrote a song about “Betsy” (it became the van's name thanks to my brother) and literally could not get through it without crying. I almost made it when I brought it to Song Salon, but after all of the comments, I couldn’t hold it in. I hate crying in front of people, so it was super embarrassing. Over a minivan of all things! It seemed so silly, but any time I looked at old photos or sang the song, something inside me just couldn’t handle it.
Tonight at Salon, not only did I cry after I sang the song for the group, but I cried the ENTIRE way home. And I’m not talking one little tear, I’m talking the ugly cry, with the running nose gasping breaths and crumpled face. All. The. Way. Home.
A lot of the other writers wanted to hear the part about when Betsy broke down. So when I got home and started looking for ways to put that in the song somewhere, and that’s when it all finally hit me.
This way always about way more than just a vehicle. It’s about the official ending of an era.
My childhood has been over for quite a while now, but for someone as nostalgic as I am, it’s the symbolic endings that really get to me. The end of “the van” really drove home the fact that things were never going to be as they once were. Every car I get from now on will enter my life while I am an adult. Gone forever are the days when my little brother was shorter than me, and my best friends lived around my block, piled in the back and sang songs on our way to cheer practice. I wouldn't be taking any more trips with all of my belongings to and from Nebraska for school. What’s odd is these days have already been gone for a while. Something about losing that van though cemented it in reality.
Growing up sucks. And it never stops. It’s a sad yet freeing realization that everything you care about, even your memories, are going to be gone one day. All the more reason to make the most out of the time you have. Live life to the fullest, go after your dreams, go see the world, tell people you love them. Our time here is too short for any type of holding back.
You can listen to my song "Betsy" here