7.30.24
Things have been moving along nicely with my new single. The other day, I did a photoshoot for the cover art. My hairdresser (who also does makeup) said she could be flexible with payment, so it was something I could afford, which I think really made a difference in the overall quality of my look.
My roommate (a fellow singer-songwriter and photographer) took the photos, which was another relief because she doesn’t charge me for it. Without these two, this wouldn’t have come out looking professional enough for my standards. This just goes to show how important your relationships are. If I have any advice for an artist in this situation, it’s to let others do you favors and always be ready to pay it forward.
Originally, I had wanted to do the photoshoot in a cornfield, but I found out (a bit too late) that corn is not very tall in July. So instead, we were able to book a studio last minute and shoot against a white background. Overall, it came together very nicely despite a bit of poor planning on my part. I loved so many of the photos that it was nearly impossible to narrow them down to twelve, but it was no problem deciding on the cover.
Now the art goes to my graphic designer, whom I fully trust. She’d already sent me some amazing ideas, and we’re just fine-tuning it at this point.
I was able to secure a radio announcer for the song's opening, as well as had friends send in some chants for the song. At this point, I have all the pieces; I just need to put it all together and make sure I have the money to pay for all of it when it’s ready. I’ve been trying to DoorDash after work, but I know I could be doing more.
I have a good feeling about this song. I think it’s going to do some big things for me, and I’m really excited to see it all coming together. Nothing is more fun as an artist than realizing your vision. No matter how many times I do it, it always amazes me to see something that started out as just an idea in my head become something real and tangible.
8.2.24
Throughout my life and story, I have always used the events around me as a reference point. I like to weave my own triumphs and challenges into these narratives. Sometimes they can even play a role, like the time I was discouraged after a second interview I thought I nailed when the business owner still couldn’t decide between me and another candidate. A Nebraska football win gave me enough inspiration and momentum to entertain his tie-breaking project, which landed me my first big-girl job out here.
I always tune into the Olympics when they come around, not only because I am a cheerleader at heart, but because it reminds me that what seems impossible is possible. That people are capable of amazing things, and seeing that in the athletes on screen makes me see it more in myself in my daily life. I feel like these Olympics came at a great time for my personal and artistic development.
After a really difficult summer last year and a grueling EP release, I am in the midst of a new single release. I am in a better place now, but any music release is still a big feat. There is a lot of time and money invested, and after a challenging go at it last time and a canceled project I was supposed to release with my ex-boyfriend, it’s hard not to let those fears creep in. For so long, I’ve lived with a sense of impending doom over my head, and it has taken a lot of discipline to get comfortable being happy and living in the present moment again.
I have to make sure I have enough money to pay for my masters if I want to get this release out on time. Right now, I don’t have it in my possession. Between the photoshoot, graphic design, and life essentials like rent and food, there isn’t a lot left over. It’s up to me to close that gap. That means DoorDashing after a work shift, even though I’m tired and just want to get home. Like Olympic gold medals, my music dream is something I have to show up for every day. The hours I put in on the back end are what make the release possible. I’m driving around in a car with a broken door handle and no air conditioning in the southern heat because I want to make this music more than I need to be comfortable. I sacrifice the groceries I want to buy in order to make this happen. It doesn’t come easy, but it’s worth it for that moment of glory.
I recommend all musicians and dream chasers in general take intentional time to watch people at the elite level do their thing. It is a lot harder to blow off DoorDashing to make my song happen after watching Suni Lee fight through two kidney diseases to make it back to the Olympics and medal. Being “tired” after a long workday doesn’t cut it as an excuse after watching Katie Ledecky swim the 1500-meter race for gold half a pool length ahead of her competitors. Everything is relative, and the difference between good and great lies within every little moment you fight through to give it a bit more. I have an ongoing belief that this will be the difference for me out here. There are a lot of circumstances around me I can’t control, but how badly I want it and what I’m willing to do to make it happen is my fate to decide.
8.9.24
I was supposed to submit my song for distribution eight days ago. I don’t even have a mix yet.
I am getting nervous. I am trying to stay positive, but with each day that passes, I am getting more anxious. This is an outcome I can’t control unless I want to be annoying about it (which I really can’t do because I’m on a flexible payment plan), but I really want to make sure this song comes out on time. It’s not the end of the world if it doesn’t, but to me, it feels like a missed opportunity for momentum. The song is about Nebraska football, and I want to release it on the first game. I want to send it to the school and to local radio stations ahead of time. I wanted all of this to be done a month in advance of the first game, and now that’s not going to happen.
I don’t just need the mix; I need the master. I’ve done all of the singing, and now my fate is in other people's hands and their schedules and priorities. It’s scary. I don’t want to submit it so close to the deadline and then run into an issue with the distribution. I am performing on the day of the first game (which will be a huge crowd), and I want the song to be available to them when they hear it live.
I know it will probably all work out, and if it doesn’t, I just need to accept what I can’t change and go with the flow, but it’s frustrating. I thought I had given myself enough time to have this all done well within a month of the release. It’s frustrating and scary when things aren’t going according to plan. I think it just takes me back to all the plans I’ve had over the past couple of years that have gone up in flames.
Just once, I want something to go according to plan and be executed seamlessly and without stress. I’m tired of always being down to the wire and jumping over obstacles. I’m managing my anxiety a lot better these days, but just once it would be nice for things to work out the way I planned so I wouldn’t have to be anxious in the first place.
I know I still have three weeks. Now that I type that out, it doesn’t seem like very much time—less time than I originally perceived it as. Great.
Well, I know I still have time, and I do trust the people I work with. It’s just getting harder each day not to be scared that I once again won’t be able to pull off what I set out to do. I need this win.
The song is great. It’s one of my best yet. I have a lot of hope for it. I’d love to just feel hopeful and not have the unfinished parts of it looming over my shoulder like a dark cloud every day it’s not submitted.
I’m scared, I’m frustrated, I’m anxious, and there’s only so much I can do to control this situation. I’m doing my best to manage my outlook and expectations.
8.18.24
I have not been writing entries because I have been stressed. In the weeks leading up to my move, I’ve been incredibly anxious and feeling overwhelmed. Around this time last year, I got broken up with the day I was moving, and I was carrying boxes while bawling my eyes out. If there’s anything worse than moving, it’s moving the day of your breakup. The year before that, the day before moving, I abruptly lost my job right after taking out a $14,000 loan for my EP. Needless to say, I have some pretty bad memories around moves.
But in the spirit of letting go of the past and stepping into a better reality, this move was nothing like that one. I did what my therapist had been teaching me and tried to practice some radical acceptance about the move and my song. I couldn’t control when the song would be ready, and I also could not change the fact that I had to move. Finding acceptance in these things and reminding myself that things will work out in divine timing helped me relax a bit last night. I had a chill day at my day job, so when I got home that night, I had the energy to move some things ahead of time.
The next day, my roommate and I had five of our friends help us, and it made a huge difference. I was able to get all of my stuff moved except for my shower curtain and a few kitchen items, which was a far cry from last year. We were also moving from an apartment into a house instead of another apartment, so that made the unloading process a lot easier. No more long hallways and elevator cramming.
Backtracking a bit, I did eventually end up approving a mix, and Friday evening I received the master. I was in a bad mood and wasn’t sold on it, so I was awaiting my producer’s blessing on it. Today, he reassured me that it sounded great and didn’t need any tweaks, and I trusted his judgment. So I was able to upload everything to distribution, which went smoothly. The song has been delivered to stores, and another huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.
That night, friends invited us to a night swim party at a hotel, and it felt like the perfect celebration for a triumphant day. And did I mention today was a full moon? Full moons represent letting go of the past and moving into a new beginning, and it’s said that it’s good luck to submerge yourself in water on a full moon.
I have a great feeling about this song and this chapter of my life. I have a strong feeling that things will only be going up from here.
8.21.24
Lol. I have COVID.
It’s a good thing I’m in a “radical acceptance” mindset because if this happened to me a year ago, right after moving and before releasing a song, I’d probably be losing my mind and feeling super depressed. Instead, I’m just kind of going with the flow because, well, I don’t really have another choice. Catch you at the next post when I’m feeling better.
8.22.24
This past week has felt like a fever dream.
I am very out of sorts. I just moved, all my stuff is all over the place, and then I immediately got COVID. So instead of unpacking and getting my life organized, I have been in bed on my phone, sleeping on and off.
A past version of myself would be feeling very overwhelmed in this moment, but those feelings are pretty muted. The Lexapro is working overtime.
What I do have to keep reminding myself is that resting is still doing something. I’m not wasting time. I always feel as though I should be doing something productive, and especially missing work, I could be utilizing this time to get things done for my song release (and I have done that a little bit), but what I need to remember is that my body is literally in the middle of a battle. So, I’m not just laying around doing nothing; I’m fighting off a virus. And if that’s the only thing I do, then that needs to be enough.
I was able to get Paxlovid, so I am hoping that speeds up my recovery process. I am starting to feel a little stir-crazy and really want to get going on unpacking. I’m trying to be patient and let myself rest and heal, but it’s hard. I’m getting really bored, but I have too much fatigue and brain fog to read or do work beyond an email here and there.
I am relieved that all of my song release stuff is done, and my song will come out on time. The rest will come together in time or afterward. I have to think of these releases as a marathon and not a sprint and not worry about doing all of the promo upfront. I’ve got time; I don’t have to rush.
My main focus will be my performance at the game. I need to practice with my friend who is playing guitar for me. It shouldn’t be too hard, but I’m feeling anxious about it.
9.12.24
I haven’t been writing in here because I have been busy, and things have been going well.
The first thing I’ve been meaning to write about is the fact that I recently had another “Nashville night.” For a refresher, a Nashville night is a night that reminds me why I’m here and helps me believe that my dreams are possible (it’s also just a fun night in this music town!). My friend invited me to his friend’s release party last minute, and me having a rare evening off jumped at the chance. Having COVID and missing the prior weekend was making me stir-crazy, so I was ready to get out and be social.
I’ve come up with a new branding rule for myself: I’m trying to be more intentional with my fashion and dress to impress. (Prior to the release of "DIEHARD," my dress code was that I needed to either be wearing florals or glitter, so I put body glitter all over myself like fairy dust.) I think now, with my new single, I’m adding Nebraska apparel to the dress code.
Anyway, I just wanted to mention that because I think it’s fun. It’s also a way to represent myself and my brand when I go to events like this and not just show up like a regular civilian. Dress for the job you want!
So, I showed up in my body glitter, and I was a bit intimidated at first. Looking around, I was actually worried I was underdressed (I was going for a beach girl vibe and had sandals on) and regretted not wearing my heels or boots. I also arrived before my friend did and only saw a few familiar faces. I was definitely overthinking everything. Eventually, though, I forced myself to mingle, and it turns out there were a lot of cool, nice, fun people in the crowd, and I walked away with a few new friends. I had a blast dancing at the release show, overall just enjoying being out of the house.
When that concluded, my friend was going with a group to The Local and asked me to join them as well. For some reason, I’ve never been to The Local. We happened to arrive during a round that had a lot of hit writers, including one of the writers of “Chicken Fried” by Zac Brown Band and “I’m Moving On” by Rascal Flatts, to name a few. I’m always in awe over the fact that you can come across a hit songwriter performing in a small bar on a random weeknight in Nashville. That never gets old.
The songwriter (who had his big hit with Rascal Flatts) said before his last song, “To anyone chasing a dream, don’t give up,” and it really resonated with me. I mustered up the courage to introduce myself afterward, and he was as nice and encouraging as can be. It reminded me of the fact that truly successful people are actually much nicer than those who feel like they have something to prove, acting like big shots. I feel like the mark of a true winner is being approachable and uplifting others around you, and that is definitely the vibe I got from him.
9.13.24
I’ve been having a hard time finding the motivation to write about my song release and the show because living through it has felt so positive that I don’t feel the same need to reflect. My song came out on August 31, and I wish I had detailed my thoughts leading up to it, but I was just focused on getting everything together.
The release was at midnight on Saturday, and I celebrated quietly at home in my pajamas with my roommate and a call from my parents. The real “release day” for me was my performance at the Nebraska football watch party.
For those new to my blog, I’m part of a Nebraska alumni group called the Nashville Huskers. When I moved to Nashville in 2019, it was the first thing I got involved with—something familiar to latch onto in a new city. We host football watch parties every week at a restaurant in Franklin, providing a great source of joy and consistency in my life here.
Our chapter president had previously insisted that I perform at one of these parties. I was set to do it last year, but when my guitar player canceled, I had to back out. This time, with a Nebraska-themed song, the home opener felt like the perfect opportunity to build momentum. I was also getting the song professionally filmed, which was the closest thing I could afford to a music video, so I wanted to make sure I did a great job.
My set was an hour long—something I hadn’t done in a while. Pre-COVID, I was working toward longer performances, but I really switched gears after everything shut down. Coming out of COVID, I mostly played writers' rounds, which feature four songs max with other writers in between. I was nervous about my voice having the stamina, especially since I had only practiced with my guitar-playing friend once before the show. Since I was only getting "DIEHARD" filmed, I felt less pressure to be perfect on the other songs, which helped calm my nerves.
On the morning of the show, I set several alarms because my sleep schedule had become seriously messed up due to having COVID. With my set starting at 1 p.m., I was struggling after regularly staying up until 5 a.m. and sleeping until 4 p.m. Thankfully, my excitement kept me going on adrenaline and caffeine. I curled my hair the night before to get a bit more sleep and even scrambled some eggs for breakfast so I wouldn’t perform on an empty stomach.
The day of the show was chaotic and intimidating. The bar was full, which should have been a good thing, but it hadn’t occurred to me that I was performing in a sports bar where everyone was there to watch football, not hear me sing. There were even people sitting at tables in the area where I was supposed to be performing, but thankfully, they were kind enough to move. Realizing this pumped my nerves into overdrive. I knew the Nebraska fans would be kind and receptive, but the game wasn’t on until 2:30, and at the start of my set, the bar was still filled with Tennessee fans. I worried that I might seem like a nuisance to those trying to watch the game and was anxious that they might be mean to me.
My guitar player and I went outside to go over "DIEHARD" one more time just as my videographer arrived. It was challenging to coordinate everyone amidst the noise of the bar. Eventually, we got everything situated, but I quickly realized I could hardly hear myself while performing, and early on, nobody was paying attention.
However, this realization gave me some comfort—if nobody was listening, I didn’t have to put as much pressure on myself. I smiled and resolved to do my best. I started by engaging the crowd, asking, “How excited are we for the start of college football?” This drew some cheers and helped ease my nerves. My set was half original songs and half covers, and I chose well-known crowd-pleasers like “Jolene” and “Before He Cheats.” Though the bar remained noisy, people were listening and enjoying my performance. I noticed some folks bobbing their heads and singing along to the covers. Then, a man even walked up with a tip. I hadn’t thought to put out a tip jar since that wasn’t my purpose for being there, but he went and grabbed one for me, which gave me a confidence boost. Surprisingly, one of the Tennessee fans even tipped me—so there was nothing to be afraid of!
I was lucky to have support in the audience; my roommate and a friend with her family came specifically for me, which helped a lot. Knowing I could count on them to cheer for me made me feel less ignored. My nerves calmed throughout the set, and soon, I was just enjoying myself. By the time I got to my last song, “DIEHARD,” the Nebraska fans had filled in, and I felt much more comfortable. After performing the song, people came up to tell me they loved it and showed me how they downloaded it. This was awesome and reaffirmed my decision to perform it live despite some logistical difficulties and nerves. I felt proud of myself for getting through the set and doing a solid job. With the hard part over, I could relax and enjoy the game. Our chapter president even played the studio version during a commercial break. The Huskers won 40-7, and the team looks promising this year, which added to the joy of release day.
If you’ve been following my blog, you’ll know that Husker football is something I relate to thematically, and this is no exception.
My last musical era, although ultimately a triumph, was fraught with challenges—both in making the music and in my professional and personal life. Releasing this new song and entering a new era felt poetic, like the burden of the past had been lifted off my shoulders, allowing me to move forward toward better things. I felt a lightness in my energy and a sense of joy and excitement for the future that I hadn’t experienced in a long time. It truly felt like I was stepping into a new timeline.
The Huskers seem to be entering a new era as well. This is the first home opener we’ve won since 2019 (the year I moved to Nashville), and we have a promising young five-star quarterback. It feels like the frustration of the past is transforming into genuine hope and happiness for the future. We’re ready to “RHULE” this next phase of life!
I will always advocate for artist to get involved in sports because they are truly more than just a game. They offer a way of looking at life that transcends everything and provide a helpful mindset when navigating the challenges and unpredictability of the music industry.
Before the football players come out for each game, they recite the “Husker prayer.” This pregame mantra has become part of my life motto since I learned it in 2014, and it has helped me immensely as I chase my dreams in the music industry. I recommend adopting it into your life—whether in music or any other field—if you want to succeed.
Dear Lord, the battles we go through life,
We ask for a chance that's fair
A chance to equal our stride,
A chance to do or dare
If we should win, let it be by the code,
Faith and Honor held high
If we should lose, we'll stand by the road,
And cheer as the winners go by
Day by Day, we get better and better!
Til' we can't be beat...
WON'T BE BEAT!
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